Dating, I’ve tried it, you’ve tried it, and we all have tried it! Were you successful? If so please give us the secret to meeting, learning, and securing a successful relationship. Yes I said relationship because after all we should (in my opinion) be dating with a purpose.
This, I’m sure has been the topic of many conversations but has yet to be answered. I’m not sure it will be solved today but we are definitely going to weigh in on the subject.
Picture this… My girlfriends and I (it’s about 4 of us) sitting around… with a drink in hand, discussing the latest dating fail.
This is not a man bashing session, just one of reflection and plenty of “what did I do wrong?” and “Girl, you are GORGEOUS”… you know we have to keep each other encouraged. Any who… WHY IS IT SO HARD?!?! These sessions always lead with the following questions:
Did I expect too much too soon?
Why do I keep going through the same thing?
I really liked him, maybe I wasn’t enough (yes you have asked yourself and others the same thing, let’s keep it honest).
Should I date multiple people?
Let’s unpack these questions…..
Did I expect too much too soon?
What is too much too soon? This is a Pandora’s Box of thoughts, innuendos, and myths…. well, maybe a few truths are in the mix. So what were you expecting? Was he supposed to ride in on a stallion and swoop you off into the sunset? Was he supposed to propose marriage in your tender three weeks of dating? Maybe you expected him to pay a bill or two, meet family, or stop, drop, and roll at the sound of your voice (ok, I’m guilty of that last one).
Anyway, if that is what you wanted then yes, you were expecting way too much too soon. When you meet a new friend and potential life partner or husband you should go in with great expectations. I know the general saying is “don’t have any expectations”… but why?
You should expect the best version of your potential person. Now what does that entail? Reasonable, respectful communication, and honesty. That is it and that is all.
Why do I keep going through the same thing?
I have no clue but what I have learned is that we inherently gravitate to the familiar. You will keep getting the same version of “guy” if you never venture outside of what is normal. Is that difficult to do at times, yes. The heart wants what the heart wants. I can admit, this is something I have struggled with, not because I wanted a bad boy but because I believed a bad boy was all I could attract.
My view of myself kept me in a cycle of hurt, frustrations, and failed relationships because I did not realize nor walk in who I am. You attract what you are. If you want a positive guy, try changing your attitude, if you want the corporate package you may need to hang out in a new circle- go where the corporate guys go… Basically you get the gist… Change it up a bit…
I really liked him… maybe I wasn’t enough…
Umm… this thought process has killed the spirit of many queens. Take this thought and throw it as far as the eye can see. You are more than enough for the right person. No you did not reach too high, he was just not your person, and that is ok. The key to not becoming discouraged is recognizing it was not a good fit. Leave the encounter in an amicable manner and move on to the next one and trust me, there will be a next one….
Should I date multiple people?
I’ve heard this several times and honestly if you can juggle multiple go for it, there is no correct answer. Personally I don’t because I am dating with a purpose and it is important for me to ensure I am giving the best version of me. I don’t want to confuse or compare so I keep it simple and truthful.
No matter what your purpose in dating is, remember to have fun! Lastly, you are a queen and deserve queenly things, never settle for anything less.
I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be blessed!
