Why is the topic of sex a taboo in the black household?

The act is not perverted, it’s your mind

C.G. Thomas

Sex is the single most controversial topic known to man, highly marketed with teasers and innuendos at every turn.  Sex is everywhere…  except the black household.  “Don’t do it”, that is what I was told and somehow someone thought the same mantra being preached in black households across the land would keep unplanned teen pregnancies at bay and our children virginal until marriage.  

 Then you have the ultra-conservative Christian households that preached fire and brim stone at the mention of sex.  It was dirty and you would surely burn in hell at the very thought of touching a man or woman before marriage, as if those feelings of arousal were going to magically disappear after praying in the closet for an hour.  God forbid the notion of touching yourself, now you have surely violated all Christian doctrine and will never be permitted into the pearly gates.  

I’m going to stop right here for a moment because I am sure there is a Christian reading this and immediately assuming I am making a mockery of the word.  ABSOLUTELY not, unfortunately you are not protecting the child that is on loan to you by not being truthful with your child about something that is as natural as taking a breath.  Additionally, Christians will expose children to all manners of sexual perversion (i.e. molestation) and cover it with a cloak of forgiveness for the violator.  Male and female predators’ prey on our children and we cover it up, further confusing them about the purpose and beauty of sex, but that is a topic for another day.

Any who, the lack of sexual education has played a huge role in generational curses for ages.  The lack of conversation created a stigma for girls and a rite of passage for sons.  Young men spreading their seed as if it was not sacred and the beginning of all life.  Teens feeling like a mutation because their sexual orientation was different, little girls not understanding why they felt “funny” while in the presence of their crush.  

Why are we so afraid to sit our children down and ask them what they know and tell them what we know?  The last I looked educating your children about sex has never created a promiscuous teen, it actually serves to do just the opposite.  Being sexually conscience is a requirement in this day and age.  This is in no way my attempt at telling you what to do with your babies, but I can tell you what does not work from experience.

Fear and shame should never be imparted into our children as it relates to sex.  For this very reason children hide violations that have been committed against them because they assume, they did something wrong.  Furthermore, homosexuality is a “no no”, this is a topic that is often overlooked, and children are treated like a pariah.  I am in no way vying for what is right as it relates to sexuality, what I am saying is that instead of condemning and isolating your children when they are not attracted to what you think they should be attracted to, love them through it.  Say what you want but I’ve lost one child and I know some things are not as important in the grand scheme of life and a person’s sexual orientation is one of them.  Whatever you choose is your cross to bear.  

We also need to stop patting our sons on the back and making silly statements like “boys will be boys” when they are sexually free as teens.  It is not alright.  A very important characteristic I wanted to impart into my young men was that their bodies were just as special as any young woman’s and they did not have to sleep with everyone that offered.  I also asked them to wait until they had an understanding about the meaning of sex, preferably graduating from high school.  A couple of them honored that rule, one didn’t.  I call that a success story, not because they obeyed the house rules but because they believed me when I said their bodies mattered.  We also discussed the importance of being respectful to a woman’s choice and not putting themselves or her at risk should they choose to have sex.            

Listen, have the discussion, meet them on their level.  Also don’t wait for them to come to you or approach them with some awkward embarrassing confrontation.  Talk to them about everything and anything.  When our sons were younger, we promised that nothing was taboo, ask us whatever you want, and we will answer.  Now, see….  We were still real parents and there were rules to our discussions:

1. Maintain your respect- we are not your friends.  
2. If we can’t give you a kid friendly answer, we would table that question until we could.  

We have a responsibility to raise strong educated children.  Little girls who know they are more than their vagina and young men who seek women for their true beauty instead of her plump behind.  We have so much work to do!

I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.

Be Blessed!