“We are not sheep, yet we are still slaughtered”
C.G. Thomas
I am scrolling through social media looking for a quick pick me up… see I’ve learned that when I need a really good laugh all I need to do is scroll through the feeds to receive instant gratification. Unfortunately, that has been far and few between lately because the threads have been consumed with so much negative banter between black men and women. No, this is not a new occurrence, but this great divide is mind numbing.
How did we get here? Have we always been here or has social media provided the platform to openly spew hateful degrading rhetoric about the opposite sex? He said she said, you did but didn’t, and woe is me, blah blah blah. UGH! I think the most frustrating part of the “Hatfield and McCoys” fight are the self-proclaimed relationship gurus that have risen to the top of the hate train.
They stand in the ring ready to go head-to-head with the BullSh!t…. You have “Specs” in the blue shorts, “Xman” in the red shorts, and “Blondie” serving as the referee. The arena is filled with men on one side and women on the other, all cheering and screaming for their favorite to take the title. How about I break the news to you now…. NO ONE WINS, IT’S NOT EVEN A DRAW. Men and women alike leave the arena with empty pockets while the gurus use their money as a stand to continue spewing hate. I am literally shaking my head because you have been conned, yet again.
Can someone explain to me why there is so much support for people who assist with the division of our race? I truly don’t understand because we fight tooth and nail to expose any and everyone else that would dare to orchestrate an attack on us, I’m here to let you know the wolf is not in sheep’s clothing this time…. He looks, walks, and talks like you and I’m going to show you just how he creeped in…
Lack of Accountability
A recent discussion with a friend revealed how black men feel underappreciated, mistreated, and downright unwanted by black women. Additionally, they feel we make unreasonable request of them and either lack the ability or desire to reciprocate. The same conversation uncovered how black women feel undervalued, used, picked over, and undesired by black men. I am a black woman and I can tell you from experience how it feels to be ranked using a statistical scale to grade my worth. LISSEN…. Don’t let that mythical scale fool you into losing something good…. Wait, I’m sorry I got off track. I digress. Anywho, back to the conversation…. Both vantage points were correct. Women, we do have unrealistic expectations of men. We look for exuberant first dates, trips, and financing from men and when they either can’t or refuse to deliver, we immediately dismiss any notion of being with them.
Black men, you are not off the hook. If the woman showing you interest is not an insta-model or at a minimum shaped like one, you don’t want her. Furthermore, some of you all have the audacity to tell a woman she is a “4” at best. You have got to Fuck!ng-be-kiddding me, who are you…. In the words of one of my favorite rappers “you aint nobody”. Stop!
We have to stop hurting each other and hold ourselves accountable for the role we played in this mess.
Fools rush in
I recall singing a song to my sister when she was younger. It went something like this, “There were ten monkeys lying in the bed and they all said, roll over, I’m squashed! So, they all rolled over and one fell out then another one said, roll over, I’m squashed”, this was repeated over and over until there were no more monkeys in the bed. This is the perfect description of some of you all’s relationships. As soon as one falls out another one is rushing in. Give yourself some time to reflect on why the relationship went south. Hold yourself accountable for the role you may have played, yes you played a role. Some of you consistently choose the wrong person so you end up with the same results over and over again. This is why we blame the opposite sex for our pain. No quick draw McGraw, you did that because you did not even give your bed enough time to cool off before someone else was in it.
Lack of Forgiveness
This is one lesson I am thankful I have not had to learn as it relates to relationships. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, I am not jaded, and I realize the newest love interest is not the one that harmed me. He should not have to pay for the mistakes of another. We have to learn how to take time to heal and forgive. We lack the ability to understand that people operate based on past experiences, good, bad, or indifferent. We take each experience and compartmentalize them instead of ridding ourselves of the negative encounter. Then when something happens that feels familiar, we shut down and the blame game starts all over again. Beautiful people LET IT GO! Anger and unforgiveness are not your friend, they creep in like a thief in the night to rob you, stealing any chance of happiness. Get past it….
Yes, we let the thief walk right in the front door and to add insult to injury, we have the audacity to pay them for the discord they cause. Shame on us…. Well… shame on you because I refuse to fall prey to the words of someone that openly supports the breakdown of their own people. Naw…. That isn’t for me. Yawl go on and ditch the self-proclaimed relationship gurus and figure it out yourself!
I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark!
Be Blessed!
