“I closed my eyes and relaxed as a gentle kiss was placed on my forehead”
C.G. Thomas
“Here we go again”, I thought to myself as I prepared for the words that would soon fall out of his mouth. “You are so strong and I believe you are capable of handling these issues.” I’m supposed to receive this while my fair skinned counterpart is a balling mess of tears. All I can do is shake my head. The funny thing is this type of comment is normal and in my opinion it’s not because I am super strong, it is directly tied to the stereotypes that come with my skin tone and gender.
I thought about a few myths that have been associated with the black woman and realized we are generalized as angry and strong or we are over sexualized. I’ve been able to overcome most of the generalizations with the exception of this strength thing. People easily measure temperament and promiscuity by taking a visual account to how one dresses and reacts in stressful situations; now I’m not saying this optical assessment is the end all be all of truths however I am saying people lean on what they can see versus what they know as fact. Anywho, let’s get back to the strong black woman thing… Surely I am not the only person feeling this way so I polled my circle and received responses like:
The black woman is expected to be strong so they can keep the black man in check…
It’s what we were taught from our elder black generation…
It’s in our culture. We are taught to be strong and if we show emotions we are labeled as weak…
Black women are expected to be strong all the time because of the lack of raising good black men; we have to step up and be strong for the both of them…
Our history of hardships has taught us to endure and conquer…
Not everyone expects the black woman to be strong, we put the pressure on ourselves…
I think I was a bit surprised at how varying the beliefs were nevertheless, I can relate to them all. Let’s explore…
Self-inflicted title or societal rite of passage?
Where does the need to be strong originate from? I can recall tale after tale of how the women of old, our Matriarchs held the family together. They brought home the bacon and fried it up in a pan with no help while bouncing a baby on one knee and nursing another. History shows the black woman as the architype for strength unfortunately with this narrative comes unrest and no consideration.
Self-inflicted, no… We do what we must. Now as it relates to this rite of passage can we stop with this generation of pretty brown skinned girls? Why must the torch be passed down to them? Teach them that it is perfectly ok to not be ok. It is perfectly normal to cry, and ask for help which brings me to the next response…
It’s in our culture…
This one baffles me often because when thinking about our ancestors they had no choice but to be strong. They faced extreme hardships that spanned centuries. They watched their husbands, brothers, and fathers be snatched away and were left to be the head of a broken family. They were required to play the role of caregiver for prominent families while struggling to put food on their own tables. This way of life was hard and unfortunately we have passed this continued existence down through every generation since slavery. The black woman is always in a state of survival. Does this have to be the way of life for our daughters? Let’s teach them to have great expectations in spite of our harsh history.
There are a few more reasons we are required to be strong one of which is fueling “The Great Debate” between black men and women. The lack of accountable black men walking in a leadership role in the family is key to why we have to be more than the average woman. No, I did not say this is the case 100 percent of the time but I can confidently say it happens more often than not. We are strong because on too many occasions you are not. This is not an attack, but a fact. This subject of why some of our men falter can be discussed at a later date.
The black women is the disciplinarian, confidant to her mate, security/protector, and lover. Guess what, we want to be embraced. We want to be soft and have earned the chance to play damsel in distress from time to time. Ladies, tears are not a sign of weakness and some of you may not agree but vulnerability is sexy!!! Men, when we let our guards down please don’t violate our trust and understand sisters need forehead kisses too…
I hope you have enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be Blessed.
