“And they said, He was a good Human”
C.G. Thomas
You’ve had a couple of babies and you already know what profession they will choose when they become adults. You know this with certainty because you chose it for them. Your babies, your choice, right? “Train up a child in the way they should go and when they get older they will not depart from that way”, this is what we were taught and what we taught our children.
We believed our children should honor us by following the path we set for them… One would be a physician, one would be a fashion designer and one would retire as an officer in the military. We believed these were all reputable professions that we could boast about. I think I even rehearsed “My son is a Doctor” a million times. For the sake of transparency, I can recall being frustrated with my eldest when he decided he did not want to attend the pre-med program at Baylor. I also thought the sound and well rounded upbringing the boys had would always steer them in the direction we wanted them to go, appearance mattered to me.
I’m sure this is what most parents expect for their children. We invest greatly in sports and other extracurricular activities for our children, taking the helm as it relates to their future. This method of thinking changed in August 2019, the day we lost our chocolate baby boy.
Nothing can change a mindset like a tragedy. We always knew what to do until we didn’t. After Kenyada died the most important thing to us was protecting our remaining children. The profession they chose or the decision to attend college was no longer a concern to us. Good humans and independent sustainability is what we desired for them. I’m going to share a couple of tips for those parents that still believe they can control the outcome of their children’s future…
Their life not yours…
Yes you brought them into this world and yes you have invested thousands upon thousands of dollars and time to their future, guess what… it is their life to live as they please. What is that saying “if you want to see god laugh make a plan” or something like that, heck I digress… You have lived yours and unfortunately living vicariously through your children will not make you happy and it will strain the relationship you have with them.
Let them be free to move about as they see fit as long as the choices they are making are ones that will allow them to thrive.
The “I’m the Pappy” syndrome…
You cannot force your children to follow your path and screaming “I’m the pappy” in their face will not sway them your way. We tried it and it did not work and it won’t work for you either. We even withdrew financial support, hindsight has shown me that was not the best thing to do. What you can do is respect their decision to be an adult and assist where you can. I am in no way saying you should accept disrespect and I am not saying allow them to sponge off of you because that won’t work either. I am saying set firm boundaries around how you can assist and let them be young adults. No one gets it right the first time, give them a little grace.
Hey I don’t know all the answers but what I do know is that I want happy, healthy good humans who can independently sustain themselves. Lastly, college is not for everyone, if they choose not to attend try exploring some tradesman options. The world still needs electricians, plumbers, and carpenters; they honestly earn a very good living.
I’m leaving you with this, love will trump appearance everyday, all day and this is the only thing that should be forced upon our children.
I hope you have enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be Blessed!
