“Healthy relationships can only thrive when partners are fundamentally happy”
C.G. Thomas
Someone asked “how do you maintain your positive outlook on relationships when every one you’ve had failed?”, my response was simple… “Forward thinking; I don’t live in the past, instead I allow past mistakes to become my task master. I’ve learned to accept the lesson and move forward. Additionally, I own my part of the breakdown. This is something that can be difficult to face, however it is necessary for growth and required for healing. Yes he may have cheated and mistreated me but I chose him. I overlooked the warning signs and threw caution to the wind. Be honest with yourself about the what & why of the situation.”
To some my mindset or thought process may be difficult to accept because of the degree of pain experienced from past hurts. Understandably so, however it is a must if you are going to learn and release.
Here are some additional things I do to keep my outlook on the positive side of thinking…
I remember who I was in previous relationships…
The Law of Sowing and Reaping is a real thing. That may be a hard concept for some because you were the culprit. You were the aggressor and responsible for bringing unthinkable pain into the life of your previous partner. Well, I didn’t. I was loving, nurturing, and extremely supportive. Some would say, if you were all that, why did he leave? Great question, you can be all that to the wrong person. As previously mentioned, I chose wrong and that was my mistake, however I put good things out in the air and I am in the position to receive all those good things in return.
I Altered my view of what a relationship should look like…
We have been conditioned to believe the traditional makeup of a relationship is the right way. I don’t think so… what worked for them or what they desired most may not be what you desire or what will work in your relationship. I’ve learned to do what works for my partner and I. This does not mean I don’t expect to be cared for because I do. I just don’t believe the gauge for when a man desires you resides in his pockets initially.
I also don’t think the number of pictures he snaps and posts or how quickly he brings you to the family cookout should be used as the measuring stick either. They can do all of the above and still be the wrong person.
Cultivate what you have in quiet first, I didn’t say secret I said quiet. Get to know one another outside of the eyes of others. You don’t need anyone in your ear or passing judgement early on. I enjoy my person immensely and if we feel we can progress to a forever life then we have time to do the introductions.
I live in the present…
Put your expectations to the side and enjoy where you currently are. I’ve stopped expecting a man to place a title or define what we are doing so early on and I enjoy the space that we are in.
I’ve found this man to be the most enjoyable experience I’ve ever had relationally; emotionally, mentally, and physically. He is an amazing person but I’ve learned that you have to be in a healthy emotional and mental place in order to experience contentment. Your person can be the best at everything and you can still mess it up if you are an emotional mess.
A healthy relationship can’t thrive when people are not happy with themselves. I don’t want to be around someone who can’t find joy in anything or expects me to be the sole source of their happiness. That is way too much a burden to carry. You and you alone are responsible for your joy.
Learning or teaching
You are either learning in the relationship or teaching your partner. If this one doesn’t go the distance (universe I ain’t putting this out there, gone on now😂😅🤷🏽♀️) I will walk away knowing the emotional support I get here is a must have from my next person. We want longevity in relationships but knowing when to bow out is key to coveting your joy. Take the lesson.
I’m gonna leave this here…. I’m not here to tell you what to do, I’m here to share what I’ve done to get better.. take what resounds with you and leave what doesn’t.
I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark!
Be blessed!
