Are you hurt or are you disappointed? There is a difference.
C.G. Thomas
Bliss! That is the perfect definition for how you feel when you have met whom you consider to be “the one”. You are giddy and ready to share your story of new found love to any and everyone that will listen. You spend countless hours on FaceTime, make TikTok videos, and post picture after picture on all of your social media accounts. The cherry that tops the sundae is the way your person gets along with your family… They love them too!
So… what happens when your moment of bliss comes to an end? How do you get past the person that made your heart pitter-patter? Some would say the quickest way to get over a person is to get a new one, however I don’t think that is the wisest decision to make, especially after splitting from the one you believed to be your “forever person”. I’ve had my share of relationship disappointments none of which were easy and although I’m no expert I have a few suggestions that will help you recover in a healthy manner.
It’s your heart and you can cry if you want to
How many times have you heard the statement “No one is worth your tears” or have been made to feel ashamed for showing what some would consider a sign of weakness? Contrary to popular belief crying is an incredible act of self-care and can be a very healthy and healing experience, especially after a relationship break up. When we cry we are giving our bodies the opportunity to release stress, hormones and toxins, which can lead to a better mood. Additionally, you have every right to grieve what you consider at the time to be a loss.
An ugly cry may be just what you need so please, let the tears flow.
The blame game
Let’s define the word “blame” to assign responsibility for a fault or wrong. He/She may have wronged you but assuredly you played a role. Yep, I said it… you definitely moved a few of the checkers around the board; you may not have been the main character but you were a supporting actor. Let’s pick this apart…
How many redflags did you overlook for the sake of love? Have you ever given so much of yourself to a relationship to the point of no longer being recognizable? This one may sting a little but how many times did you falsely accuse your partner of cheating because you neglected the need to give yourself room to heal before jumping into something new?
I was a slave to the blame game but after a jurney of self-discovery, I realized that I allowed the poor treatment that I received. I am in no way saying you are at fault because we can’t control the actions of another. Nonetheless, I can’t recall one breakup that didn’t drop a few bread crumbs along the way.
There is no glory in bashing
Picture this… You and a few friends are sitting around the ottoman. Each of you are pouncing on your ex like a game of whack-a-mole and you feel your actions are justified. It is natural to want to lash out, however it is rarely productive and can delay your ability to heal. I liken this act to peeling the scab from a healing wound or cutting the cast off of a broken limb.
After my divorce I was broken, angry, and worked overtime to convince any and everyone that he was the scum of the earth. After a while I grew tired and took some time to reflect on how I had not progressed because of my inability to give him some grace. I was also honest with myself in the fact that there was a time that I loved him and pulling on that positive feeling allowed me to conclude that he deserved happiness. I may not have liked the manner in which he treated me but he still deserved to live his best life. It was in that moment that I realized I deserved the same but could only get there if I focused on my healing and redirected that energy into finding new joy in life.
One of the hardest things to do after the end of a relationship is to pick up the pieces and move on. It can be tempting to wallow in self pity, blame yourself for the disappointment, and to wonder if you will ever find love again. THEY WERE NOT YOUR GREATEST LOVE! Allow yourself to cry, grieve what could have been or what was, and slowly rebuild your life without your former partner. In time, you will find that you are stronger and more capable of managing your next relationship.
I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be Blessed!
