Endless opportunities are on the opposite side of fear.
C.G. Thomas
I’m sitting on a flight getting ready to head out on a much-needed vacation. I’m relaxed, with my eyes closed and soaking in the sounds of the flight attendant going over the dos and don’ts of flying. One thing she said stuck with me and was a little jarring “Put on your oxygen mask before helping others”.
Now, here’s the thing. I’ve been on more flights than I can count, and I’ve heard that line a million times before but, on this very day, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, I realized just how foreign the concept of prioritizing myself was. You see, I wear many hats—I’m a mother, sister, friend, and partner and I take immense pride in being there for the people I love most. So, the idea of doing something solely for myself? Well, it felt downright selfish and carried a hefty load of guilt. The idea of being happy when those that I love are in turmoil feels boastful. Why? How do you overcome the guilt associated with putting yourself first?
The fear of being happy can be a complex and deeply rooted emotion that varies from person to person. While everyone’s experiences and motivations are unique, there are a few common reasons why some individuals may find themselves afraid to embrace happiness:
Fear of Change
Happiness often comes with changes and new opportunities, which can be intimidating. Stepping out of our comfort zones, trying new things, or taking risks can be challenging. The fear of the unknown and uncertainty can create resistance to embracing happiness. I recently moved to Cypress, TX. A suburb of Houston. I’ve contemplated this move for years, but I allowed the fear of change to drive my decision to stay in Dallas. As I’m sitting here and writing this article, I can tell you that the move lifted a weight from my shoulders, and I am CONTENT! Happiness is more than likely on the other side of your fear. Eat the Cake, make the move, take the trip; you will thank yourself for kicking fear in the ass!
Guilt
Some people may struggle with feelings of unworthiness or guilt when it comes to experiencing happiness. They may believe that they don’t deserve to be happy or that their happiness will come at the expense of others. These self-limiting beliefs can hold individuals back from fully embracing joy. Guilt is the killer of happiness and joy. It can be guilt that stems from mistakes made or in my case I felt guilty because of the loss of my son. How could I go about smiling when he is no longer here? It felt wrong, I felt like someone would judge me for going on with life and living richly. With the help of therapy, I realized that my son would want me to live a joyful life. I’m a believer and if you are take joy in the fact that the word is clear “He came that we may have life, and have life more abundantly, he also came that our joy might be full, rest in that.
Expectations and Pressure
Society, culture, and personal expectations can place a significant amount of pressure on individuals to achieve specific goals or meet certain standards of success. The fear of not living up to these expectations can make individuals fearful of allowing themselves to be happy, as they may feel that they haven’t yet reached their desired level of achievement. I lost my job in March of 2023. It took a toll on my ability to be happy and I sank into a depression. I allowed the pressure to “achieve” to outweigh my other accomplishments. I had to drown out the voice of failure that kept whispering in my ear and show up for myself. I also stopped looking at the job loss as a problem and began to look at it as an opportunity and started embracing all the things I’ve always wanted to do.
Happiness is infectious. Recognize that by taking care of ourselves, we become happier, stronger, and better-equipped individuals, and in turn, that happiness and strength ripple out into the lives of those around us. I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark!
Be Blessed!
