“My words have relevance”
C.G. Thomas
This is not the outcome I thought I would have. “I should have been clear from the beginning”, I thought as I sat there with a stupid look on my face. I can’t say that I am frustrated, more like disappointed. The funny thing is, I’ve found myself in this place over and over again, scared to speak up and angry for not having the courage to do so.
Passive, when did I become so freaking passive? I mean on everything and anything including work, friendships, and romantic relationships. Sometimes I feel like the kid who is always nervous, walking about afraid of my own shadow. Why and how do I change this fragile, self-sabotaging behavior?
“The Why”
“No, you can’t have that”, No, don’t touch that”… I remember being told “no” all too often as a child. Yes, I know it is crucial to set boundaries in which I am wholeheartedly in favor of however, boundaries should not just be a hard “no” without the back story. I eventually developed the mindset that there was no use in asking because I already knew the answer. Talk about a morale killer!
Mom and Dad, yes you have the right to parent your children in the way that you feel is best however, you also need to consider that the way you are raising your children may not be preparing them for success. Pause… I am in no way saying I was not raised to be successful (that is obviously not the case), I am saying that a yes here or there would have given me a little boost of confidence. Stop preparing your children for the worst… I can think back to how often I told my sons that they should not be disappointed if a certain situation did not go the way they anticipated. Hindsight shows me that I was grooming them to expect a negative outcome instead of hoping for the best. WHAT A SHAME!
Fear of Rejection
OOOhhhh, now this one right here has plagued women for centuries!!!! I can’t tell you how many times I have been unhappy with the actions of a partner and allowed the fear of rejection to shut my mouth. Why are we so afraid to be alone? Well, I used to be but not anymore so this lesson if for y’all (IJS, laugh).
It is natural to want to please the people you love however it should not be at the cost of your independent will to speak freely. Your needs and desires are important and if expressing those desires to your partner is enough to make them walk away are they really your person?
Pride, pride, pride
I’m certain I am not the only person that will go without before I ask a person for anything. It does not matter what the “anything” is, money, time, or support. Say it with me… EVERYONE NEEDS HELP! I think there has always been shame associated with people who always need help; think about it… how many times have we have complained about seeing a homeless person with signs on the side of the road? What about the family members that we get irritated with when they ask for assistance? There is a stigma attached to those who seek assistance. CHANGE THE NARRATIVE!
Listen, there are many reasons not mentioned in this post around why people choose the passive, timid, quiet route, what I have shared with you are my vices… Some I have overcome, some still linger. I recall a saying “A closed mouth won’t get fed”, speak up. Your thoughts, feelings, and needs are relevant and you deserve to be heard.
This was your peek inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be Blessed!
