“If I am supposed to be my brother’s keeper, step aside so I can keep you.”
C.G. Thomas
The phrase “We are all we got” has become a rallying cry for black families everywhere, with people proudly posting it on social media and wearing it on T-shirts. It’s meant to represent solidarity, but I find it intriguing that this solidarity seems to only apply in certain situations.
The parental structure is immune to accountability, and we often brush off bad behavior because we don’t want to be the “bad guy” for addressing it, so we all condone it. Mental illness or drug abuse may also be swept under the rug rather than addressed head-on. This raises questions about what true solidarity means when it comes to family.
Let’s discuss why accountability can be a difficult concept in the black family dynamic.
It is not disrespect
The handbook on being a black kid arguably begins with the concept of “respect”. Within a black household, everything you say is subject to scrutiny, especially when it comes to, questioning the authority of a parent or grandparent, pointing out inconsistencies in a parent’s reasoning, and expressing your opinion about your own adult life choices.
All these actions can be met with pushback, as they may challenge the traditional hierarchy and cultural norms within the household. However, it’s important to have open and honest communication, even if it means challenging long-standing beliefs and traditions. Ultimately, respect should be a two-way street, with both parties willing to listen and consider each other’s perspectives. Listen parents, no one is sassing you, they just want to understand.
Wrong will never be right
What happens in the black family generally stays in the black family. The mindset of keeping people out of your family business has allowed molestation and sexual abuse, mental/physical/emotional abuse, and just outright poor behavior to become the norm. I’ve said it before and I will say it again, children should not have to mingle with the family pedophile at Christmas dinner. That sick mindset often exposes and reoffends the victim each time they encounter their abuser.
Bad actors are not excusable and should be addressed more often. Ignoring bad behavior within our families only perpetuates the problem and passes it down to future generations. We all have those family members who always seem to be involved in something questionable, yet we’re hesitant to address it directly. But it’s time to call a spade a spade and have open discussions about what is acceptable behavior in our families. Only then can we hope to break free from a repetitive cycle of trouble and create a healthy and supportive family environment.
Addiction
The African American family has been systematically impacted by drug addiction, with generation after generation falling victim to the lure of substances such as crack cocaine, heroin, and meth. Despite this, we have failed to learn from those who came before us. Tragically, family members themselves are often the ones who introduce their loved ones to addiction, with no regard for the consequences.
Drug use and alcoholism are rampant in our community, and it’s disheartening to acknowledge that every family I have ever known has been affected by addiction in some way. Unfortunately, we don’t speak out against it enough. Instead of seeking help and support to overcome addiction, we often mix and mingle with those who share the same struggle. Family should band together to seek out resources to end this generational curse.
You can love your family and still hate their actions. There is always a belief that the ones that have a somewhat successful life are lucky. I beg to differ; we are not lucky, we made different choices. I previously wrote an article about the importance of having crucial conversations; my stance is the same. Be your brother’s keeper and hold them accountable, only then will we begin to prosper as a people. I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be blessed.
