“You are responsible for the whole, not a portion”
C.G. Thomas
You walked down the aisle, said “I do” and had a couple of rugrats. At some point one or the both of you realized you were not experiencing marital bliss so you called it quits. You went to court and received a ruling on who the children would reside with, it was not you. To add insult to injury the court ordered you to pay child support equal to at least 20-35% or your net income AND you have to carry medical insurance… bummer. You walk away infuriated and ready to scorch the earth because in your mind, you were better fit to care for the children… hmmm..
Fast Forward, you and your ex are still battling it out. This round of infighting is not about who cheated on who or who forgot to pay a bill. This skirmish is about the non-custodial parent’s attitude about caring for the children.
I’m sure this is a description of how a million relationships transitioned from one household to two and the title of Mother/Father changed to Non-Custodial. This is either our experience or one of someone we know. Constant fighting and tug of wars about the “who” and “what” as it relates to the parenting responsibilities. I have observed several situations where the non-custodial parent believes the extent of their involvement should be the court appointed weekends, summers, and Holidays. That is it and that is all. I’m going to expand a little because some believe the finances they contribute monthly is the only form of child support they are required to do. Wrong!
Listen, I hate to burst your bubble but the financials you provide are only a drop in the bucket when it comes to rearing children. Now before you get your undies in a bunch please know that this thought provoking read is not inclusive of those parents who are not allowed to see their children. I understand how a bitter ex can be so unforgiving and selfish that they aim to destroy your quality of life. In these situations financial support may be the only way you can contribute and you may have to wait until your children have grown into adults before you get to participate in their lives.
I’m talking about the parents who have equal access and or joint custody of their babies. Let me say it again, your financial support is not enough, it is only contributing to a portion of what it costs to care for children. Let’s do the math… The court ordered you to pay $1,200 monthly for three children, that equals $14,400 per year (total), $4,800 per child, $400 per month per child… we will take the average month at 30 days, now we are down to $13.33 per child per day or $39.99 total. Let that sink in…
If we are being real, that alone may not be enough to feed three children daily, however I’m going to give you credit for providing vittles for your youngins. If children require food alone to thrive and survive then you are doing your job, unfortunately it takes a lot more and you are not the parent tasked with bringing it all together. Truthfully what you contribute is literally 20-35% and the custodial parent is responsible for the remaining 65-80% of much needed support.
Then there are some of you who have the nerve to yawp to everyone and anyone that will listen “I pay my child support!”. You contribute nothing outside of your wages begrudgingly at that and your 100 days a year. You don’t attend school meetings or functions. You don’t pick up or drop off and you don’t take them to or attend doctor’s visits. You don’t contribute to the clothes they need or purchase school supplies instead you stick your chest out while caterwauling “That’s what child support is for!”.
The custodial parent is often accused of being bitter so they don’t ask for help. Most custodial parents never get the opportunity to have a breather which results in an extremely tense home environment for some of your children. When mentioning the lack of involvement the non-custodial parent has in the lives of the children, they are often shamed or taunted with statements like “you can always send them to live with me”… FU$% YOU NINJA, you did nothing extra while in the home so you surely won’t do anything if you were awarded full custody.
LISSEN… these are not the next person’s children, they are yours! Children need both parents to play an active role in their lives. They need more than your provisions. I said what I said and if this hits a nerve with some of you go back to my aforementioned statement “FU$% YOU NINJA“, I said that with my chest!
There is a saying, you do better when you know to do better… Some of you have just been taught to do better.
I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be Blessed!
