I want what you want, you want what I want, so what’s the problem?
C.G. Thomas
Have you ever wondered about the marriage rates among different racial and ethnic groups in the United States? It turns out that there is a jarring difference, and unfortunately black Americans have the lowest marriage/relationship/partnership rates compared to other races and ethnicities. This disparity increases as individuals age. ([i]) This contrast is surprising, specifically when social media is filled with both black men and women expressing their desire for relationships.
Where is the common ground? What is keeping us from bridging the gap? Let’s discuss our pain points and explore potential solutions to bring about a positive change in black American relationships.
Let’s address the topic head-on: money, or the lack thereof, often becomes a significant source of contention in relationships. On one hand, there are women who desire a partner who can be the sole provider for the family, envisioning a life where they can take care of the home, indulge in luxurious vacations, and drive expensive cars. However, achieving these dreams seems challenging when considering a partner who is average in terms of earnings, education, and savings.
Men, you are not exempt from unrealistic desires either. Wanting a partner who resembles a video vixen and expects her to be submissive while shouldering 100 percent of the cooking, cleaning, and contributing 50 percent to household bills is not practical.
These examples may sound extreme, but they represent real perspectives. Let’s be honest about the reality we face. In today’s economy, maintaining a one-income household is often unrealistic unless you are independently wealthy. To dive deeper, the average income for black Americans in 2022 was $51,394, with the median at $38,800, and the top one percent earning $250,001. ([ii]) These figures highlight the financial landscape we navigate. Let’s have an open and reasonable discussion about this.
Additionally, one of the challenges we face is our difficulty in being honest about our needs and expectations from a partner. We often get caught up in the excitement of a new relationship and overlook the crucial question: are we truly compatible? Do we share similar long-term goals, both individually and as a couple? Avoiding these important conversations can lead to unspoken expectations and ultimately heartbreak.
It’s essential to address these conversations early on because if your partner lacks the ability to have difficult discussions, it indicates a lack of emotional maturity. This can result in repeated disappointment. Similarly, if you struggle with expressing your desires and setting boundaries upfront, it’s a sign that you may also need to take a step back and do the personal work to develop emotional maturity. A relationship can only thrive when two people are fundamentally happy and at peace with themselves.
Being open and honest about our needs and expectations allows for a stronger foundation in a relationship. It sets the stage for mutual understanding, respect, and growth as individuals and as a couple.
By prioritizing important conversations, and being transparent with ourselves and our partners, we can foster emotional maturity for healthier and more fulfilling relationships. Come now, let us reason together! I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark!
Be Blessed!
[i] Mouzon, D. M., Taylor, R. J., & Chatters, L. M. (2020). Gender differences in marriage, romantic involvement, and desire for romantic involvement among older African Americans. Plos one, 15(5), e0233836. (Mouzon, 2020)
[ii] Kimmel, P. L., Fwu, C. W., & Eggers, P. W. (2013). Segregation, income disparities, and survival in hemodialysis patients. Journal of the American Society of Nephrology: JASN, 24(2), 293.
