“Don’t match energy, meet the need”
C.G. Thomas
I’m up doing my normal research before writing and had an epiphany…. I’ve always assumed people treated you based on reciprocal actions, not at all. We handle people based on what our current (hierarchal) needs are. Once those needs are met then we move on to the next need.
Why is this important? We are in a day where the common mindset is “matching energy”. If you give me good vibes I will give you good vibes in return however, what you may actually be experiencing is someone who’s hierarchical needs of love actualization and esteem have already been met and what you see as positive vibes is actually self love and accomplishment in full effect.
This was a huge find for me because I have always veered back to a negative place of self reflection when a relationship didn’t work. I’ve always thought that I may not have been enough when in retrospect their first two needs had not been met. It wasn’t an energy thing it was a lack of something kind of thing.
Let’s go deeper… If one has not yet reached or is on the path to be the best version of themselves “Self- actualization” or they lack financial stability, have not received recognition, and or the status they are striving for “Esteem” they will struggle with the third need “Love and belonging”. I keep talking about this needs thing. How about I give you a couple of examples:
When I am hungry it’s difficult to focus on anything else until I’ve eaten. I find myself angry, nauseous, and lacking energy. Nothing else matters and my mental is focused on nothing other than sustenance. Once that need has been met I can move on to other things.
Another… If you have not yet reached the best version of you, it will never matter how others view you. I’m curvy and really pretty however, I am not at my physical best so it does not matter how you see me I will always respond based on how I see myself.
Last example… we are sexual beings and the lack there of will have you in a state of frustration. We easily mistake someone’s desire to be with us relationally when in actuality they were just horny. You may be better at the act of sex then the next person. You were the one who was able to meet that need and once met they move on to the next hierarchical need, unfortunately you don’t have the ability to help with that so they move on.
These are not inclusive and the latter more negative however people usually respond and or understand negativity a little better.
Now that I’ve put this in perspective is it better to be alone while learning how to be the best version of you? Would it be better to forgo relationships while trying to build your empire? In my honest opinion, no. I believe the aforementioned needs can be met while in a relationship if you remember that you are an imperfect individual who will forever be in a state of working on oneself. I want input and insight on how I can improve and what better feedback than that of a romantic partner whom you share a like mind with. The statement is true “iron sharpens iron” and your encouragement one to another can always ensure your hierarchical needs are going to be met.
Lastly the biggest lesson in all of this for me is that societal views and bandwagon thinking will always have you in a state of unrest and uncertainty. I don’t have all the answers as it relates to partnerships, hell if I did I would be “under” (literally) the man of my dreams at this moment but I’m not. I do know that right, wrong, or indifferent always be true to you.
I hope you have enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark!
Be Blessed!
