Work was so hectic and to add insult to injury traffic is a hellish nightmare with cars bumper to bumper. The driver next to me has almost side-swiped my car twice and I am very irritated. I turn up the music in an effort to drown out my frustration.
Home, I’ve finally made it home I thought as I turned on my street. I push the button to open the garage, hoping no one hears the very squeaky door as it creaks open. I turn the music down, pull in, and just sit. I realize a full half hour has passed with me nestled in peace while sitting in my dark quiet garage. I didn’t have to answer questions, no one is tapping me on my shoulder, and there are no eyes glaring at me while waiting for an answer to some random question.
Perfect BLISS.
I am certain I just gave a very descriptive view of the pattern of moms all over the world. They steal away a few minutes here and there just to gather their bearings. Moms that hideaway in the bathroom while watching little fingers slide under the door seeking a touch when all they want is a little “me” time.
Question…. Why? Why is it unacceptable to take time for one’s self? Who told you that once you became a mother you would not be allowed to breath on your own? What unwritten rule in the Mom’s handbook outlined this very unfair practice? I would like to know who instituted this thing that drains us of all energy and self worth… can we revoke their membership. The suffrage of motherhood totally supersedes the joy…. but it shouldn’t. Selfishness and motherhood can coexist.
I’m going to provide you with a few quick tips that has helped me along the way. I wish I had a “me” when my babies were small little energy sucking vampires, cute but vampires none the less.
Tip 1- You were a woman first
Ladies, you are a woman first. You were born a lover of all things pink, frilly, and fluffy. You were born with hair that deserved proper maintenance and nails that require a mani as often as you can afford. A feminine softness, sweet smelling skin and eyes that flutter like the wings of a butterfly. Walk in that! Having children should not diminish your femininity. Take a moment for yourself daily to do something that reminds you that you are a woman. I had a routine that started when my children were small and it consisted of running a bath as hot as I could stand it and soaking for one full undisturbed hour. My children knew they were not allowed to knock on that door but for blood loss or death. That was my hour to decompress and recover my ladylike ways.
Tip 2- Schedule time with friends
IHOP, yes I said IHOP became one of my favorite places to gather with friends. Yes, I’m talking about the pancake place… We would schedule time there as often as possible to catch up, discuss relationships, cry, and laugh. Nothing was taboo. The seven or so hours we would spend gabbing and laughing were better than 10 years on a counselors sofa. This was a simple and affordable getaway for me and it was something I looked forward to. Remember you are a person and cultivating and maintaining friendships is an important piece to good parenting.
Tip 3- Find something just for you
I love to read and write. I am a lover of anything book related… I thrive at the idea of sitting outside in a quiet place with the sun beaming on my face as I read the latest gritty book. Honestly the racier the better (I lived vicariously through the characters). I wish someone had encouraged me to do what I loved when my children were younger, who knows I could very well have been a best selling author… Your children will become adults one day and you will still be a woman with desires and dreams why not start now? Find the thing that makes you thrive.
It is perfectly ok to be selfish, it is perfectly ok to have fun outside of your family obligations. Enjoy yourself because there is only one authentic you.
I hope you have enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark!
Be Blessed!
