“Parenting doesn’t stop when our children grow up; it transforms into the quiet strength that lets them stumble, rise, and build their own paths—with us cheering them on from the sidelines.”
C.G.Thomas
For the last four weeks, I visited my adult sons in Atlanta, Georgia. During this time, I was flooded with emotions, memories, and realizations that I’m still unpacking. It was a visit that gave me as much joy as it reflected on, and it left me questioning how we, as parents, support—not control or direct—the lives of our adult children.
Our parenting approach was rooted in structure, discipline, and expectations. We wanted to ensure our sons had stability and the pathway to success. Looking back, I have no regrets about requiring structure in their upbringing. It kept them on track, helped them understand the value of hard work, and guided them through adolescence; but during my time with them in Atlanta, it became abundantly clear that some of those same qualities we instilled in them have, perhaps unintentionally, begun to weigh on them in adulthood.
One night, we found ourselves talking about life, goals, and the challenges they face. My sons openly shared that they second-guess their decisions, worried about living up to the high expectations we once met. Hearing that hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized I may have placed too much emphasis on achieving my version of success instead of helping them discover their own.
Redefining What Success Looks Like
Success has a way of shaping itself around the generation that’s defining it. For my generation, success often came down to sheer grit and resilience because many of us didn’t have the luxury of starting on solid ground. We were grinding from the moment we entered adulthood because we had no choice but to start from scratch. That mindset inadvertently shaped the way we raised our children.
We told ourselves, If I had to go through it, they should too. That’s how they’ll learn, but the truth is, I didn’t work hard for my children just so they could face the exact same struggles. The world is different now. The economy is brutal, housing is expensive, and independence as a young adult doesn’t look the way it did twenty or thirty years ago.
What I saw in Atlanta were two capable, intelligent young men who were doing their best in a complicated world. My sons weren’t failing far from it, but they, like so many others, were wrestling with the notion that unless they were “ahead” by a certain age, they weren’t successful. That pressure—not just from society but also from family—is something I now realize I don’t want to add to anymore.
Shifting From Control to Support
One of the biggest lessons I learned during this visit is that parenting doesn’t end when our children grow up. The role just evolves. When they were younger, it was about discipline, guidance, and setting boundaries. Now, as adults, it’s about being a safety net—not to smother them but to encourage them. It’s about being there when they need advice or emotional support as they figure life out for themselves.
While in Atlanta, I found unexpected joy in the simple moments with my sons, like talking about their dreams, and just hanging out. I had always thought it was my job to give them tools for independence, but I’ve come to understand that independence doesn’t mean doing things entirely on your own. Sometimes, it means having the freedom to ask for help, to stumble and know someone’s there to steady you.
I also realized how important it is to give our adult children space to grow on their own terms. I can’t impose my definitions of success onto them. Their lives, ambitions, and dreams are theirs to chart, even if those dreams look different from mine.
The Challenges of the Modern Economy
One thing we must acknowledge as parents is that the deck is stacked differently now. Young adults today are navigating a very different economy from the one we entered as young people. College degrees don’t guarantee financial stability; rent prices are astronomical; job markets are unpredictable. What once seemed like the basics for starting a life are now monumental hurdles.
This doesn’t mean we excuse complacency, but it does mean we temper our expectations with compassion. Supporting our adult children in this climate doesn’t mean we’re enabling laziness. It means we’re recognizing the realities they face and adapting accordingly.
If we worked hard to give them opportunities, why would we stop supporting them now when they’re charting their own paths? Emotional support, encouragement, and sometimes even practical help aren’t signs of weakness—for them or for us as parents. They’re reminders that even as they grow into adulthood, family remains their harbor, not their overlord.
The Joy of Learning from Your Children
While I went to Atlanta to spend time with my sons, I came back with so much more than I expected. I left with a clearer understanding of my role as a parent to adult children, starting with one key truth: supporting them isn’t about solving their problems; it’s about reminding them that they don’t have to face life alone.
I also left with immense pride. Watching my sons live their lives reminded me how amazing they are. They know how to dream, how to push forward, and how to care for each other. I realized that while I spent years trying to prepare them to face the world, they’ve ended up teaching me how to see life through new eyes.
Parents, if you’re feeling regret or uncertainty about how you raised your children, give yourself grace. None of us has it all figured out, but we can all take a moment to see our children for who they are today and remind them of one simple truth: no matter how old they get, they’ll always be able to count on us—not to define their success, but to encourage it in whatever form it takes.
And to my sons, if you’re reading this, thank you for being patient with me as I grow alongside you. I’m proud of you. And I’m here for you, every step of the way. I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark!
Be blessed!
