“The internal battle was fueled by the external war”
C.G. Thomas
How often do you think about the mental health of the black man? For some it may be a fleeting thought however, I think about it daily. Why… because I am surrounded by black men and fostering an environment where they can thrive is extremely important.
In my pursuit of becoming a better me for the men that I cherish, I began researching the “why” mental health is a taboo among black men. To say that I was stunned at the testimonies that I read from black men on why they don’t seek assistance with mental support would be a euphemism. Here are a few divulgences:
There is no compassion for the black man.
Therapy is only used as a weapon and not specifically a tool for healing.
Black men can’t be honest and show their truest feelings without judgement.
Let’s unpack these assertations to see why they feel this way and how we can assist.
There is no compassion for the black man
When I initially read how many men feel that no one cares for them I was perturbed however I also thought back to how I have marginalized some of their struggles and equated them to laziness. If the black woman can pull herself up by the bootstraps and make it happen so can the black man…. In hindsight this much easier said than done. Woman naturally support each other, right wrong, or indifferent but men don’t have that ready support. Men are required to provide and protect regardless to how they feel. Their first responsibility is finances and if they can’t make that happen it inadvertently impacts every other aspect of their lives.
How can you assist…. That’s easy! Follow the golden rule and treat that man with the same care and compassion that you desire.
Weaponizing therapy
When I read it, I immediately understood the gravity of that statement. I too have been guilty of saying “you need therapy” as a way of distancing myself from a situation that I did not have the patience or compassion to deal with. Therapy alone does not solve the problem it is only a gateway to open the lines of communication required to truly overcome the issue. Who wants to go to a counseling session that will undoubtedly open a gaping wound but have no one to aid with caring for it? Once therapy begins, they need people who are committed to the healing journey if they are to reach the end goal successfully. Are you in it for the long haul?
Judgement-free zone
Men don’t cry. Men don’t show their feelings. Men can’t walk up to another man and ask for a hug. Why is there such a stigma around black men and vulnerability? Could it be pride? I asked two men from two different states, different lines of employment, and familial status a question; “Why do you all hold back your emotions and fear expressing how you feel to other men?” I received the exact same response:
“Men can’t walk up to another man and ask for a hug. We can’t call up our brother and cry because it will be viewed as a weakness.”
Vulnerability can only show its head in a judgement free zone. How can you help? Hush, listen, and don’t use the words that are said in a pregnable state against them. Let them know that they are worthy of every good thing they desire and show appreciation for their efforts.
A friend said to me “God never intended for us to be an island…. We have a communal spirit about us and are meant to share our experiences.” I don’t have the answers however I am committed to the work. I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be Blessed!
