The Parent Trap is not just a movie; it can be a real-life nightmare
C. G. Thomas
You thought you had it all figured out… this parenting thing right? You mapped out the perfect plan to ensure you were a “gentle parent”; “ no yelling or corporal punishment for my little one”, at least that’s what you told everyone. “I’m going to be the type of parent that others look to for guidance”; you made that statement with your chest.
Fast forward a few years, you are sitting with your knees pulled up to your chest, wondering how you became the very thing you abhorred.
Parenting does not come with a tailored “to do” checklist or manual. It is hard, long, and requires a level of patience that at times can be difficult to muster. The funny thing is that even if there was a published guide to parenting the truth of the matter is that it may not apply to your children because they are all different. So what are you to do when you come to the realization that you are a Toxic Parent which includes being a Helicopter parent, Soft-serve Mom, or Hard as a Brick Dad? Let’s explore some remedies to the parenting pitfalls we face daily…
Toxic Parenting
It is hard to be a perfect parent. We all have our own unique parenting styles that may not always be ideal. Sometimes we can be too lenient with our children and end up being a Toxic Parent. Toxicity is not solely about leniency, it is multifaceted and includes disengagement, verbal and physical abuse, or promiscuous behavior in front of the children.
I’m a Generation X child; we were raised with a very firm hand which included corporal punishment. The trauma the gen x’ers experienced carried over into their parenting styles. They vowed to never spank or hit their children no matter what. Toxic parents take it a step beyond that, they completely disregard any type of authority and are often described as pushovers, enablers, and friends rather than parents to their children. The opposite end of the spectrum left some gen x’ers so damaged that they inflict the same vexatious behavior on their children. Neglecting their needs and or placing their personal desires before providing them with basic care. Toxic parents can often be found in the midst of a drug addiction or other personal crisis. Let’s not forget the parent that always has a new partner; consistently failing to provide and example of relationship stability.
Helicopter parenting is another form of toxic parenting. Helicopter parents are overprotective and constantly hovering around their children. They do not allow their children to experience any type of failure or disappointment. The result of helicopter parenting is often a child who is unable to deal with any type of adversity. They have a fear of failure and are not able to cope with disappointment. Helicopter parenting can also lead to a sense of entitlement in children.
The third parenting pitfall is what I like to call the overcompensating parent. This is the parent that was never given enough attention as a child, so they make sure their child has every opportunity possible. They enroll their child in every extracurricular activity , get them the latest and greatest gadgets, and bend over backwards to make sure their child is happy. The result of this is a spoiled hellion that no one wants to be around.
So what can you do if you find yourself in one of these parenting pitfalls? The first step is to admit that you have a problem. The second step is to seek help from a professional. There are many resources available to help you change your parenting style and become the parent your child needs. Toxic parents need to learn how to set boundaries with their children and give them structure. Helicopter parents need to learn to let go and allow their children to experience life. Overcompensating parents need to learn how to balance their child’s needs with their own.
I’m not a parenting expert, I’m just a dedicated “Boy Mom” who wanted to give you a little encouragement. We can’t “Bipady, Bopidy, Boop” ourselves into becoming the perfect parent but we can do the work and end the cycle of toxicity.
I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be Blessed!
