“Evolution isn’t bad at all, it’s all about how you perceive it”
C.G. Thomas
I have read countless social media posts and watched a million videos on the “traditional” family or traditional gender assigned roles and to be quite honest I am over all of it. Tradition, tradition, tradition is being screamed from the roof tops with no idea of the truth behind what appeared to be a very pretty picture.
“You women today are nothing like your grandmother’s”… GOOD, WE DON’T WANT TO BE! Do you all have any idea of what are grandmothers endured? Honestly, the entire lineage of women suffered injustices that they have never spoken of.
African American couples have been taunted at having the highest rate of divorce with statistics showing that at least 42% of both men and women having experienced at least one divorce. The funny thing is that Native Americans top the divorce rate with at least 45% of women and 44% of men ultimately ending their marriage in divorce (4/2021). Why is this statistic not being screamed from the roof tops?
We are also subject to the fallacy of not being as submissive as the matriarchs of the past. Men from all levels of status and or stature have made this their mantra and noted this as the primary reason why African American women are single or struggle to find meaningful partnerships. The audacity!
Let’s take a walk down memory lane…
What was the basis of marriage then?
61- I’m sitting that number right here for you to ponder on for a moment… Finished? This is the number of years women have had the right to open a bank account in the United States. Yep, it wasn’t until the 1960s. Prior to this period women had to have the approval of their husbands to even have credit cards and if you were unmarried you would be refused. Imagine being a woman of color during this period, we were really left wanting.
Let’s keep going… Marriage in the earlier years, was based on the duty, obligation and sacrifice methodology. The majority of marriages were not meant for individual gratification, but for the sake of breeding and more as a “next step” in evolution type of thing. Don’t get me wrong, many people married for love, but more married because of tradition.
Women did not have much of a choice then, however we do now and options are not the only reason we shun tradition…
We are not our Grand-ma-maws….
Nope, aint, isn’t…. Hold tight, I’m going to explain. We are not them, yes we will cook, clean, and care for the home. We will serve you a plate of piping hot food, wash your clothes, and bed you (yep that too). What was that old commercial “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never let you forget you’re a man!” We can do all that but what we will not do is sit quietly while you care for that family across town- don’t act like your pop-pop didn’t have one… We will not accept your provisions alone because we can provide for ourselves. We will accept and require faithfulness and dedication, we expect vulnerability, words of affirmation, attentiveness, and quality time.
We won’t quietly watch you make a financial mistake that may jeopardize the family’s livelihood, we are going to speak up and offer advice. We won’t get up every night with the crying baby while you sleep peacefully, see we have to work in the morning as well.
We will also love you through your pain and all the lies you were told as a young man about gender roles. We will encourage and uplift you when you come in all bruised up from the beating of the world. We will be the very thing you need, but it will not be shrouded in tradition.
I’m going to drop this last word then I’m going to wrap it up… be who you want to be in your relationships, I cook, clean, and believe in allowing a man to be the head however you better know how to lead and do it boldly. If you can tell me what to do… tell me what to do!
Menfolk, please elevate your thinking, you are a bit slow as it relates to understanding what we need… IJS- evolution…
I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be Blessed!
