“Honesty is an outward showing of the love we share”
C.G. Thomas
I recently read a post on social media about a conversation between a couple mentioning his desire for his partner to lose weight. The caption was something like “Who’s Wrong?” Me being true to form went directly to the comments section and was very surprised at how many women want to be told the truth about how to meet the needs of their partner.
Do we want to know what makes our partner tick? Do we really want to know what we can do better or just stop doing in general?
This raises another issue… vulnerability. This is the key to maintaining a transparent relationship in my opinion. Are you at a place where you can shed everything and be totally honest with your partner? This can bring about a range of emotions because with vulnerability comes the great responsibility of facing the fact that we are not quite over past trauma, breakups, and we have a range of trust issues.
In the past I struggled with verbalizing my needs and had a habit of just going with the flow for fear of losing my partner. As I matured, yes I said matured… I realized that by not being honest I was cheating myself and partner from the opportunity of having a meaningful relationship based on not only his needs but mine as well. Navigating a successful relationship is already difficult so it is important to me to talk it out.
Here are a few things I’ve done to condition myself to be open and honest as well as accept feedback from my partner.
You have to be true to you
Sensitivity is a “thing” now. We are very careful with how we speak and interact with each other. Speaking truthfully about someone’s attitude, character, or outward appearance has become a very difficult thing to do. My way of bracing myself from the blow that comes with someone sharing their opinion of me is to be true to myself. I am self-aware and there is no truth you can share with me that I don’t already know. Do I need to lose weight… absolutely. Do I need to listen more… absolutely. You know yourself better than anyone; some of the feedback received should not be a surprise.
It’s not what you say but how you say it
The how matters and could be a deal breaker. Your partner’s feelings should always be taken into account before sharing information that may kill their spirit or potentially further push them into a depressive mindset. Circumnavigating any rhetoric that may bruise a partner’s ego is the most important aspect of sharing your truth. Love me enough to tell me the truth but love me enough to say it in a way that is not offensive.
How can I help you?
The words “You have picked up weight and I am no longer sexually attracted to you” should never be a closed ended statement. Umm, those words will be swiftly met with a fight in some households. Tell me, yes… but what is the solution from your vantage point? How do I get back to a healthy weight without the undo stress because you just told me in no uncertain terms that I was fat and you are not attracted to me? Whew, this is a weighty topic! Come bearing some suggestions. If you are aware your partner struggles with exercising how about you offer to workout with them. If you are aware your partner does not make the best nutritional choices how about you assist with meal prep?
Let’s take this a step further because I’ve almost made this article solely about issues women struggle with. Men you are not exempt! How would you feel hearing that your erectile dysfunction is dampening your partner’s desire for you? Sex is a very important aspect of maintaining a healthy relationship. Can you take hearing those words and not feel inadequate? Would you be willing to get medical assistance? Basically having the support of your partner will make it much easier to meet each other’s needs.
Hey I don’t have a magic wand to wave to make relationships any easier but I can tell you from experience honesty (on both ends) could have saved a relationship or two for me. Not everyone is mentally ready to hear the truth and that is totally ok and understandable but your inability to accept the truth about what your partner needs may cost you your relationship. I would also encourage all those that have access to mental health options seek assistance with overcoming past trauma that may be a contributing factor to why you are in an unhealthy state be it physical, emotional, or mental.
Well, that’s it folks. I hope you’ve enjoyed your view inside the mind of Sugar Clark.
Be Blessed!
